My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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