she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
