The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
