I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
