her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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