I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
