My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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