sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
