So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
