I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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