Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
