I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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