Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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