so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
