There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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