We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
