SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
