Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
