i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
