Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
