How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
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