I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
