Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
