your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
