what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
