I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
