her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
