I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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