Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
