DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
