Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
