Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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