He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
