you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
