It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize