Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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