OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
