All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
