well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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