Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
