Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wear drunk well.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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