like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
