If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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