THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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