I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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