I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
