we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
