Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just forgot I was standing up.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
