I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
