you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
