All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
