well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
