You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
