matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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