Moan for me like Helen Keller
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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