she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
