sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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