i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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