I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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