Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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