She's JV to your varsity
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She's the barista slut.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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