I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
