dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
