Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
