Texts From Last Night

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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?

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  (320): If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say? http://tfl.nu/bcus
  Replies (32) Good night (1732) Bad night (686)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you

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  (203): just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you http://tfl.nu/8puo
  Replies (39) Good night (19808) Bad night (1193)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....

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  (252): it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby.... http://tfl.nu/2jxq
  Replies (16) Good night (2761) Bad night (3877)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?

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  (828): Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom? http://tfl.nu/y1hl
  Replies (26) Good night (1408) Bad night (7904)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.

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  (623): Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy. http://tfl.nu/cg4z
  Replies (60) Good night (2333) Bad night (5159)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar

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  (605): you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar http://tfl.nu/3k40
  Replies (17) Good night (1517) Bad night (2720)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"

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  (908): and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now" http://tfl.nu/8bck
  Replies (11) Good night (2608) Bad night (640)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more

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  (541): im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more http://tfl.nu/azy4
  Replies (9) Good night (3225) Bad night (767)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.

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  (501): I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job. http://tfl.nu/8e8h
  Replies (10) Good night (1989) Bad night (602)
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  (415): View more from California

  I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.

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  (415): I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame. http://tfl.nu/5rwn
  Replies (1) Good night (841) Bad night (495)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see

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  (201): I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see http://tfl.nu/49ut
  Replies (0) Good night (550) Bad night (284)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.

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  (616): if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right. http://tfl.nu/9n53
  Replies (1) Good night (636) Bad night (269)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?

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  (785): I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night? http://tfl.nu/vqfr
  Replies (0) Good night (573) Bad night (245)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?

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  (910): I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know? http://tfl.nu/6v52
  Replies (0) Good night (470) Bad night (337)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  It's definitely revenge time.

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  (248): I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes. (1-248): It's definitely revenge time. http://tfl.nu/qj5v
  Replies (1) Good night (489) Bad night (281)

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