Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME