For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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