people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
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so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
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I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.