God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I supernannyed him into submission