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• (425): View more from Washington

  God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.

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• (323): View more from California

  rhymes with "ouble enetration"

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!

  Fav 32 965 6383

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.

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• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (712): View more from Iowa

  We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (906): View more from Michigan

  I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.

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• (858): View more from California

  I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I supernannyed him into submission

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