You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.