apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.