I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
