I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
