Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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